


I will try to fix you.

by denkis_suffering



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Depressed Tsukishima Kei, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, POV Kuroo Tetsurou, Romantic Soulmates, Sexuality Crisis, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28263657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denkis_suffering/pseuds/denkis_suffering
Summary: i’m bad at summary butsuicidal tsukki struggling with internalized homophobia meets ‘straight’ kuroo whos determined to change his soulmates lifealso some side kenhina fluff
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Man🧎♂️🏌️♂️

I remember when I was 13 I had woken my parents up in the middle of the night because I felt such an intense pain in my chest I would’ve rather died.

It’s been 5 years since then, and I’ve felt that feeling a total of 16 times since then. 

You develop a soulmate connection at age 10-15. The connection is that you can feel the intense emotions of your soulmate, it can even change your own mood sometimes if it’s powerful enough. It stops after your first kiss though.

After going to the doctor for the

pain, they determined that my soulmate had tried to kill herself. My soulmate.. was broken. She wasn’t okay. She had tried to kill herself 17 times.. I want to help her. But can I really change something that has been going on for so long?

I try to do things that make me happy- so maybe I can give her some joy too, but it’s hard to be happy when she’s like this all the time.

I hope I can meet her one day, and maybe.. just maybe I can change her, for the better.

But I can’t think about that right now, we are on our way to the training camp where Karasuno- a long time rival of my team- will be. We’ve already had a practice match with them, but I was only focused on winning.

Kenma met someone though- the short boy who had the freak quick attack with the setter.

He thinks that’s his soulmate- but he won’t admit it. I know he thinks that though, we’ve been friends for a long time. He’s leaning against my shoulder sleeping right now.

He’s told me his soulmate is usually happy- I’m glad.

Stop thinking about this- we have a game to focus on.

It’s kinda stupid- how could I change someone who I probably won’t even meet.

“Kuroo- we’re here. You spaced out or something.” 


	2. one

It's been two months since that training camp was, and bokuto somehow managed to get tsukishima's number to put him in a group chat. From that group chat, Tsukishima started talking to Kuroo separately. That was when it all started- Kuroo didnt really.. know what it was until Kenma came over to his house to see why he hadn't been at practice for two weeks straight.  
  
  
  
  
"Kuroo- why are you in the corner.. with a hoodie over your legs.. did someone die?" Kuroo looked up to see his childhood friend at his bed room door.   
  
  
"No- I'm just sick." Kenma walked forward and crouched down in front of him.   
  
  
"Then why havent you texted anyone..? Tsukishima is worried." Kuroo felt a wave of heat hit him head down as his face immediately flushed. He laid his head on his knees and the grip of his arms wrapped around his legs tightened. Kenma raised an eyebrow in questioning even though he knew Kuroo couldn't see it.  
  
  
"I just feel nauseous- and hot and like im going to die." An idea clicked in kenma's head and he smiled a bit.   
  
  
  
"Kuroo- does it happen when you think about Tsukishima?" Kuroo took a deep breath and nodded. Kenma sat down criss cross in front of him. "Wow.. You've fallen hard. most people only dream to feel what you're feeling." Kuroo looked up, feeling both miserable and amazing at the same time.

”What do you mean, fallen?” Kenma had out his phone, playing a game. He sighed.

”Youre in love with Tsukishima, Kuroo.” The feeling came back again, a way of uneasiness and pure joy and anxiety swirling around in his chest. He put his head down again. 

“Don’t say his name.. and that’s not possible- since I’m straight.” Kenma looked up and grinned.

”You fall apart just because I said his name? No wonder you can’t show up to practice.. youre lovesick.” He completely ignored that Kuroo had said he was straight because.. obviously not. Kuroo shoved him with a flushed face and whined.

”I am not-“

”You know it only gets worse if you deny feelings right? At least that’s what everyone says.” Kuroo shut his mouth and looked at the floor. Him? In love with a boy? Tsukishima? He was so sure that he was straight.. maybe Kenma was just wrong.

”I think I should go to the doctor.” Kenma flicked his forehead and went back to his game.

”Theyre going to laugh at you.” Kenma started leaning into the game with wide eyes, aggressively tapping. “fuck fuck fuck NO FUCK-“ He made a weird face at the game and relaxed again. Kuroo looked over at the screen.

”What are you playing?” Kenma stared at the screen for a second.

”Identity V. They have a Danganronpa event going on right now and I’m determined to get a skin..” Kuroo rolled his eyes and put his head against the wall, looking at the ceiling. 

“I feel like crying.” Kenma shrugged. 

“Cry then- I don’t really care.” Kuroo looked at him for a second before smiling. His best friend had always been like this- non judgemental about the important things. He didn’t even realize he was crying until the tears got under his chin and made him uncomfortable. 

He was so confused.. feeling so many things out of no where- they only stopped when he forgot Tsukishima existed, which was rare. He was always thinking about him- even thought about texting him a few times before determining it would only end in a more intense feeling.

“Kuroo.. it’s okay. I cried too..” Kenma was referring to when he found out he was in love with Hinata, which somehow comforted Kuroo more than he’d like to admit. 

“I- Don’t even know what to do.. What do you even do when you find out you aren’t straight- Am I straight??? I-“

”Kuroo. Calm down.” Kenma had grabbed his hand. He looked up at him- 10 seconds of overthinking away from a breakdown. “Just..” Kenma took his hand away and looked back down at his game. “Like who you like. Labels suck.” Kuroo blinked, waiting silently for Kenma to say he was lying.

Like who you like?

What stupidly amazing advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> expect short chapters👨🦯


	3. two

Of course, Kuroo had to go back to practice eventually. He was the captain, it's not like he could just keep skipping practice just because he was lovesick- lovesick to the point where he threw up multiple times- but he had always known the inevitable was going back.  
  
  
He just didn't expect to be dragged there by Tsukishima. That's right, Tsukishima fucking Kei had walked into his room- took a bus all the way to god damn Tokyo- and was now sitting in front of him just as Kenma had done a few days before. Except this time, Kuroo was panicked- Tsukishima even in his presence- let alone less than a foot away- he thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He kept his head down, because god forbid Tsukishima say a word and make Kuroo smile instantly. He knew he was as red as he could get- his entire body felt like it was on fire. No doubt, this was the best and worst feeling he'd ever felt. Even worse than al those times his soulmate had attempted suicide.  
  
  
His soulmate- he had almost forgotten. He was so distracted with.. this. What if Tsukishima was his soulmate- would that mean..? No, he was sure Tsukishima would never do that.. 16 times. Or would he? It's not like he's known Tsukishima all his life- he has no place to judge whether Tsukishima would or would not attempt.. even thinking about the fact that he could've made him sick to his stomach, in the bad way.  
  
  
"Kuroo." Here it came, the waves of thousands of different feelings bursting through him- he could die happy right now. He didn't dare raise his head though, he was sitting with his knees pulled to his chest, his head face down on his knees.   
  
  
"Hm?" was all he could say in response, he knew words would fail him if he tried to talk.   
  
  
"You need to go to practice and school." Kuroo finally looked up and was met with Tsukishima’s concerned eyes. He knew that Tsukishima wouldn’t leave him alone until he went to school- he seemed uncaring, but that was just a mask to hide his true caring personality. He’d shown it to Kuroo multiple times before. He sighed.

”Fine but get out of my room- I need to change.” Tsukishima smiled a little bit- though he held back a bigger one- and nodded. He stood up and left, glancing back at Kuroo over his shoulder. That glance would’ve killed Kuroo on the spot if he had been looking. Instead he had put his head down again, waiting for the sound of the door closing. Once he heard that, he got up and changed, slowly loosing his sanity. How was he supposed to maintain composure around Tsukishima? Was he really in love with him? Well.. how else would he explain how he was feeling.

God, standing up had him almost vomiting right there and then. Kuroo had done the last few days useful- taking ‘am i gay’ tests and yelling at the ‘would you kiss a person of your gender’ questions for being stupid. He did actual research though, and to be completely honest he didn’t know what he would or wouldn’t do with a guy. He tried putting Tsukishima in the scenarios but it all seemed wrong.. or pervy.

For being an almost 18 year old, he knew how gay sex worked. Hell, Bokuto and him watched porn just to make fun of the bad acting- yes, gay porn too (Bokuto’s horrible idea). Imagining him and Tsukishima like that.. seemed so wrong. 

But then again, he knew he wasn’t exactly straight. In fact.. he had never had a crush on any girl, but just brushed it off as volleyball being more important. Was it really just because he preferred guys? He couldn’t remember ever looking at guys specifically.. right? He means, he’d looked at guys but thought it was admiration.

Kenma would hit him for stressing about sexuality- but he wasn’t really comfortable with it just being ‘like who you like’. He’d prefer to figure it out, slap a label on it, and never think about it again. 

Little did he know, sexuality would be the least of his problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how many chapters this will have but it’s gonna be less than 10 (i t h i n k)


	4. three

With Kuroo’s focus on sexuality and maintaining his cool, he completely forgot about the soulmate situation. Well, more like he pushed the possibility of that out of his mind completely. But the moment he realized that Tsukishima was in fact his soulmate, was the night before a practice match they had. 

Kuroo had temporarily removed his soulmate from his mind until he woke up to that feeling again. It made him cry every time- sometimes gasping for breath. But this time- it was painful, just as painful as the other times, but he felt empty. Like there was nothing left for him. Of course, he knew this had meant his soulmate had yet again, attempted suicide. She- ..they... we’re doing so well- he could cry at the thought of them relapsing.

The first person he thought of immediately was Tsukishima, but he quickly shoved that thought out of his mind. That is, until Tsukishima called him. He stared at his phone, the caller ID, the picture. It had to just be a coincidence, right? Surely Tsukishima wouldnt have done that.. surely..

“Tsukki! What’s makin you call so late?” He had picked it up, and tried to sound like his entire world was crashing down and burning in flames.

”Kuroo..” He could tell by Tsukishima’s time that he wasn’t okay. His voice sounded so empty- dry. Like he hadn’t had food or water in months- like he’d just been stranded in the Sahara Desert- numb. That’s how he’d describe it, numb. Like nothing mattered to Tsukishima mattered anymore. “I can’t do this anymore..” This. It was this line, that Kuroo’s heart had officially shattered into pieces.

“Tsukki- What do you mean??” He cursed himself for the nervous laughter that escaped his lips- his voice betraying his will to sound clueless. There was a sigh on the other side of the line.

”Can I talk? I don’t want you to interrupt.. I just want to rant but I can’t trust anyone else.. please.” Kuroo knew he was crying- he felt horrible, he could only imagine how Tsukishima felt. He nodded before realizing Tsukishima couldn’t see.

”Okay- you got it.” He shouldn’t have felt special about being the one receiving this call- this shouldn’t even be a call Tsukishima had to make. Still, he couldn’t help the slight ray of happiness being special to Tsukishima. There was silence on Tsukishima’s line for a minute, but then he spoke.

”If I’m being completely honest, I thought you hated me for a very long time- even now I think you do.” And thus marked the beginning of a 5 hour phone call- Kuroo doing his best to keep Tsukishima as sane as he still was. It was the first time he had ever seen Tsukishima so broken and vulnerable. He’d told Kuroo everything- self harm, his family, his attempts. Kuroo had saved him that night.

When Tsukishima was done ranting, they talked for for the next 2 hours about whatever came to mind- silently agreeing that tonight wasn’t the night to address everything. 

“Tsukki- its 5am and we still have a practice match- I’ll see you later, okay?” No response. Kuroo almost worried for a second, but then heard Tsukishima’s faint breaths on the other line. “Ah. You fell asleep while I was talking.” He wanted to hang up but just plugged his phone in with it still on call. He laid down and sighed. One hour of sleep was not going to be good for the game- but that was far more important than volleyball. He fell asleep quickly knowing Tsukishima was okay now.

Kuroo woke up by his father flicking his light on and off. He stood at his door with his arms crossed and a concerned look.

”Tetsurou.. What’s been going on? You’re never late.” Kuroo just sat up and blinked his eyes a few times to get used to the light.

”I was helping a friend last night..” His dad nodded in understanding and came to sit on his bed. 

“Well.. your mother is going to be staying in our guest room until she can get her life back together- with everything going on, you know?” Kuroo nodded and smiled a little. His parents had divorced, yes, but it was all in good terms- they were friends now and Kuroo loved them both.

”That’s good- is she coming today?” He started to get up and find his clothes for practice. 

“Yup, she’s actually on her way right now. She won’t be here until you get back home though.” Kuroo nodded and went to go to his bathroom to shower. “Oh- Tetsurou, by the way, we wanted to meet the Tsukishima you talk about a lot- since it’s a Friday, do you think he can stay the night tonight?” Kuroo stopped at the door and turned back around to him.

”He doesn’t like here- he lives in the Miyagi prefecture.”   
  


“Yeah, but I can contact his parents, and he can wear your clothes, right? We’ll pay for his trip back.” Kuroo knew he was red faced- after all, he still hadn’t exactly mastered composure whenever Tsukishima was randomly brought up. He sighed and shrugged.

”I don’t think his parents will care.. I’ll ask him. Can you give me my phone?” Kuroos dad smiled and nodded, taking the phone from the charger and handing it to him. He saw that the call was ended a little before he was woken up, Tsukishima probably woke up and ended it. He sent him a quick text.

[To: Tsukki]  
Hey my dads wanting you to stay the night for some reason- are you down or nah

He put his phone in his pocket and went into the bathroom with a wave to his father. He shut the door and got a response almost instantly, to his surprise.

[From: Tsukki]  
Sure. I’ll see you at the match

Kuroo smiled wider than he probably should have and turned off his phone. Now that he thought about it, Tsukishima was probably looking for an escape from his house anyways. He hadn’t forgotten everything Tsukishima told him, and he couldn’t help but want to give him everything he could do he’d never feel the same way he felt last night again.

Feeling more awake than he had been in weeks, he took a shower and made his way to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man idk what i’m doing but uhh kuroo having a healthy family is a comfort headcanon👨🦯


	5. four

Kuroo forgot one tiny detail.  
  
  
Tsukishima was his soulmate. he stopped mid step to the gym when he remembered- he forgot soulmates even existed. He didn't know why that fact gave him a lingering anxiety, he already knew about his attempts from last night. Why was he worried?  
  
  
Ah, that's right. Tsukishima had said his own family was homophobic, and he has a homophobic mindset. He couldnt control that, so Kuroo didnt feel unsafe with him, but this changes it all. How could they ever be soulmates when one person isnt even attracted to guys? Yes, this was a big problem. He didnt really know what he wanted to do with tsukishima- dating, holding hands, kissing, sex? it all seemed out of reach now. And a part of him told himself to just cut Tsukishima off before he got hurt, but he cant do that. Tsukishima needs him right now, Tsukishima trusts him to stay. 

Oh yeah, he’s staying the night too. That’s something to look forward to. Kuroo started walking again and was almost to the school when he bumped into someone.

”Oh- sorry-“

”Kuroo.” He looked to see familiar black hair that was bleached. 

“Kenma? Why arent you at school?” Kenma stared at him for a second and turned around to walk back to the school.

”My phone died and you didn’t show up.” Kuroo smiled and started walking with him.

”You were worried?” Kenma didn’t say anything. 

“You know Tsukishima is straight, right?” Kuroo stopped walking for half a second but continued. He knew that, but it hurt for some reason. It hurt a lot. “Don’t get in too deep.. get over him.” Kuroo looked at Kenma, who’s eyes were glued to the sidewalk.

”I thought I was straight too though.. so..” Kenma shook his head. 

“I’m trying to save you here, Kuroo.” He stayed silent for a few minutes, the air was uncomfortable around them. “Being in love with someone who can’t return your feelings will destroy you. Trust me.” Kuroo stopped walking and watched Kenma, who also eventually stopped and turned around.

”Kenma.. he’s my soulmate. I know that for a fact. There’s no way.. that it won’t work out.” He didn’t know if he was trying to reassure himself or Kenma, maybe both.

”Soulmates dont always work out..” Kenma turned back around and kept walking. Kuroo didn’t like that answer. He walked forward a little fast and grabbed Kenmas shoulder and turned him around.

“What do you mean? Soulmates are soulmates.” Kenma was still looking at the ground but mumbled something Kuroo could barely hear. “What? I cant hear you.” Kenma looked at him- it almost seemed like a glare.

”We used to be soulmates.. but it changed. Soulmates don’t always work out.” 

“What?” That couldn’t be possible- could it? No, He’d always been soulmates with Tsukishima. He’s always felt that feeling- wait, no he hasn’t. He felt that feeling when he was 13, that’s 3 years of time for someone else.. but Kenma? What did Kenma mean?

”Kuroo.” His hands were still on Kenmas shoulders, he took them off and Kenma turned back around. “Please get over him. Unrequited love hurts.” He started walking, but Kuroo was frozen. If Kenma and him really did used to be soulmates, then does that mean Kenma was in love with him.. while he didn’t even notice? 

He watched Kenma walk back towards the school but still didn’t move. 

Maybe he would skip the practice match today.


	6. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you can pry kenhina and kurotsukki from my cold dead hands

“KENMA!” Kenma looked over to Hinata, who was running towards him at lightning speed from the gym doors. Almost as soon as they made eye contact, Hinata crashed into him, wrapping him into a tight hug while knocking them both to the ground.

”Hello Shoyo.” Hinata smiled brightly at him, but didn’t get up. Everyone was staring. “Get off me- we have to play, remember?” Hinata stood up quickly and helped Kenma up. He brushed the invisible dust off his shirt and shorts while Hinata stood in front of him smiling widely. He looked at him and admired him for a second, silently staring with a small smile of his own.

What he’d said to Kuroo was true, they used to be soulmates, and he had once been in love with him, but that seemed so long ago. He was over the heartbreak, he really was. Now he has Hinata, who he knew he’d fall for soon. He wouldn’t replace Kuroo though, they were childhood friends.. he loved him in the platonic way, and would never leave his side if he had to.

”Kenma? Why’re you staring at me?” Kenma blinked, back in reality as Hinata had his head tilted. He felt himself heat up a bit, but shrugged it off and looked away. 

“I was just thinking..”   
  


“Where’s Kuroo?” Daichi stepped up next to Hinata and Kenma looked up at him, face settling back to his neutral expression. 

“He’s sick, staying home.” 

“Sick?” The three looked at a blonde walking up to them and stopping in front of Kenma.

”Why do you care stinkshima?” Tsukishima, for once, didn’t even acknowledge Hinata, simply pushing him away despite his yelling. 

“What’s his address?”

* * *

“Tetsurou? What are you doing back home?” Kuroo walked through his front door, taking off his shoes and walking to his room. 

“I’m sick. Staying home today.” He closed his bedroom door. Nothing is gonna work out for him today, is it? Not only was he feeling like the worst best friend ever, he now had to accept the fact that Tsukishima might not even be his permanent soulmate which means that nothing has to work out and Tsukishima is straight.

So basically, in complete honesty, Kuroo Tetsurou is totally fucked. He can’t do this, he’s not gonna go through this if there’s no good ending. Sorry Tsukishima, you aren’t spending the-

“Tetsurou? Tsukishima is here. Come out of your room!”

You have got to be kidding me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey people  
> sorry for the super late update, i really just didn’t have the motivation to do much lately.  
> my ed was getting bad again and i couldn’t really focus on much, but i’m doing better now  
> sorry

**Author's Note:**

> lm🅰️🅾️


End file.
